Dear Annie: I started dating my husband 11 years ago, married six years ago. Our biggest problem is his 29-year-old son. This man has never held a job because he has been addicted to drugs including meth and heroin and is still using. Also, he has warrants out for his arrest. I have made it clear he can not live in our house, and I do not want him over if my husband is not home. I know his son hates me and the combination of hate and drugs does not always end well. Needless to say, he always slips his way back in, and then I blow my top, and my husband runs him off again. It is a never-ending rollercoaster. How do I get my husband to understand I am done with it? I wouldn’t allow my grown daughters to live in my home, jobless and sleep on my couch, I refuse to support a grown 33-year-old man! — Tired of the Coaster
Dear Tired: Addiction is indeed a roller coaster, but you need not go along for the ride. Let your husband know — empathetically but firmly — that you are not comfortable with your stepson staying with you any longer. If he continues to let him into the house anyway, tell your husband that you will need to insulate yourself from the dysfunction and make a plan to do so, finding your own place temporarily, with a relative or friend. I encourage you to attend meetings of a support group such as Nar-Anon or Families Anonymous, which might afford you some peace and in turn clarity in the situation. And if ever you feel you are in danger, call 911. I’m sorry your family is dealing with this.
Dear Annie: I have had bad relationships with women I met online in the past. Last year, a young woman came and stayed with me from March through June and kept asking me for money. I ended up giving her $6,000 when it was all said and done. After things ended with that woman, I started talking to another woman, who borrowed $4,000 for medical expenses. Currently, I’m talking to a few women — primarily this one 30-year-old woman who lives in the same state as me. But every time I ask her to get together in person, she always says that she wishes she could but is busy that weekend. Then there’s another one who’s 27 that says she wants to be with me but she doesn’t have money to get gas to come visit.
What is the best way to find somebody to date? Do you know of any good dating sites where you really don’t have to pay a lot? Because I don’t want to spend a lot of money trying to find somebody. I’m going to be 50 a week from today. — All Out of Love in Maine
Dear All Out of Love: While age discrepancies aren’t necessarily deal breakers, it seems like you have a pattern of dating younger women who are looking for money. You need to break that mold. Date some women who are closer to your age and, more importantly, who have their own income. You can find better fits for you on a well-reputed dating website such as Match.com, which costs $15.99-$18.99 per month. Spending a little money up front to join a legitimate online dating community is better than using free websites and meeting people who are going to scam you out of thousands of dollars.
Whatever you do, please: Do not give away any more cash. If a woman asks you for money, see it for the red flag it is, and move on.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to firstname.lastname@example.org.