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June 2012
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Woman should leave abusive relationship

Staff report

Dear Annie: I have been with my fiance for 14 years, and we have had our fair share of problems. Three months ago, I left, taking our kids with me. But I came back when he asked me to. I figured I owed it to the children to try to work things out. But nothing has changed.

I don't have a job outside the home. However, I do have credit card debt. He used to help pay it off, but now he refuses to pay any of my bills. He won't give me any money except to buy groceries. Our car used to be in both of our names, but now it is only in his name. I'm not allowed to go anywhere without asking for permission or to talk to any of my family and friends unless he says it's OK.

We also live with his parents, and every time I don't do the dishes, they complain. I do all the other housework, but it isn't enough. What do I do? He thinks everything is just fine. - At My Wits' End

Dear Wits: Get out. This is an abusive relationship. Your fiance has removed all sources of income and support from you so that you are completely dependent on him. Please contact the Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) at 1-800-799-7233.

Dear Annie: My son and his first wife had a destination wedding in a foreign country. My husband and I hosted an engagement party in our hometown, and a friend of mine threw the bride a shower. My son and daughter-in-law divorced, and he is now engaged and planning a second wedding.

My brother-in-law made a comment that he and his wife do not send gifts for second weddings. My son is torn about how to handle the invitations. While it is his second marriage, it is the bride's first. He doesn't believe she should be penalized because his first wife ended their marriage.

What is the etiquette regarding this matter? We certainly don't want anyone to feel that my son and his fiancee are wanting heaps of gifts and money, especially when these family members and friends "showered" him with gifts the first time around. - Vexed Mother of the Groom

Dear Vexed: First-time brides are entitled to wedding and shower gifts, regardless of the groom's prior marital history. Of course, shower invitations can be weighted toward her family and friends, but also may include close family members and friends on the groom's side. Guests who feel overburdened with shower gifts do not have to attend.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

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