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June 2012
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Husband, not wife, must tell brother to stop trying to break up marriage

Staff report

Dear Annie: A year ago, I found out that my husband had been cheating on me at his brother's house. He was having an affair with "Charlie's" wife's sister. My husband cheated more than 30 years ago with a friend of Charlie's, and we divorced over it. We got back together two years later.

I have forgiven my husband for his most recent affair, and we renewed our wedding vows six months ago, but I cannot forgive his brother. Over the years, Charlie has tried his best to split us up. I no longer allow my husband to visit Charlie unless I am with him. Dealing with this relationship causes me severe headaches, and I've lost 50 pounds. My doctor says the stress is killing me.

I know Charlie will continue trying to break up my marriage. What should I do to stop this nightmare? - Brokenhearted in Indiana

Dear Brokenhearted: Charlie may have encouraged the cheating, but your husband had to cooperate. This is now your husband's responsibility. He needs to tell his brother to knock it off, that he isn't interested in having an affair, and that if Charlie tries to break up his marriage, the relationship is over. Charlie has to understand that there are consequences to interfering in your lives, but his brother is the one who must make it stick.

Dear Annie: I had to write after reading the letter from "Joining the Letting Go Club," whose adult children have cut them out of their lives.

Usually the parental rejection involves money. Sometimes, the kids know they are not in the will, or the parents refused to appoint one of them power of attorney. Sometimes, the parents have gifted their children so much that they have nothing left.

Your advice to this couple was solid. Enjoy each other and fill it with people who expect nothing in return except friendship. - Know in New York

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net.

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